Sunday, September 19, 2010

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Ah,the joys of being pregnant. It's a magical time- both satirically and sincerely. Even before I was pregnant I knew it had to be pretty life changing- and I'm not talking about the "bringing a new life into the world" thing but the actual process of being pregnant. Women talk for years and years about stories from when they were pregnant with their children- even when their children are grown and have children of their own. If I had a nickel for every time I heard "When I was pregnant with my first baby..." So I had to know that it would be an exceptional experience, to say the least. But you never know quite how life changing something will be until you go through it yourself. Of course, you hear of all the stereotypes of what to expect- going to the bathroom a lot, craving weird things like mashed potatoes with cherries, watching your feet swell...but there are a host of things that people do NOT tell you about that make pregnancy way more unusual than what I ever expected.

It is funny because the first few months of being pregnant, I waited and waited for something stereotypically pregnant to occur. It's like I found out I was pregnant and immediately thought I would have morning sickness. I actually WANTED to puke at the sight of eggs..and the time did come, but not immediately. And as I got further and further into this miracle, more of the "traditional pregnant symptoms" occurred...but then there have been the things that I never thought would happen. The strangely odd things that I never heard about. Here are a random sampling of odd things that I have experienced while being pregnant that far from make a top 10 list of normal pregnancy symptoms:

• I have walked into men’s restrooms more times than I ever have in my life. And I really don’t know why. Possibly because I am carrying a boy and I feel that he has rights to the restroom of his choice?! I’m not sure. I’m just glad that men’s restrooms have urinals and that was the tell tale sign that I had entered the wrong room as opposed to something more offensive…
• I mismeasure my girth. This has only happened in the past few weeks. I guess I forget that I’m pregnant and think that I can squeeze into tiny places….but I am and I can’t. So I end up hitting my baby with tables, doors, chairs- pretty much anything sticking out.
• I am officially nocturnal. Sleep is one of the most precious things in my life. I love it. In fact, this was one reason that I felt as though I would make a terrible mother- I like to sleep too much. But from about week 16 until now I have not had a full nights sleep. This I chalk up to God’s miracle of easing me into sleepless nights with a crying child…but nonetheless it is strange and I would prefer to get to do all the sleeping I can before our little man arrives.
• I have a strange sense of entitlement in parking lots. I am not sure why- and it’s not because I want a front spot either. I typically like to park in the back and walk- as this is the only exercise I have been getting lately. I think it’s because people can’t see that I’m pregnant and I feel like they should know. I’m normally a pretty irritable driver as it is, but for some reason when people are whipping in and out of parking spaces now I yell things like “yeah, sure, you need the front spot more than I do” or “never mind the 8-month pregnant lady over here.” I am so mean.
• I have the strong desire to do nothing. I know in your first trimester you’re supposed to be tired and comatose like…and I know in your third trimester, you’re supposed to be so uncomfortable that you don’t want to do anything- but I thought that somewhere in there, you were supposed to nest. This urge has not hit me yet and I really want it to. My house is messy, I don’t want to cook and I don’t even want to go the grocery store- maybe this is because of my new nocturnal quality; however it has to stop. I just hope that once I’m not pregnant again, the desire to cook and maintain a clean household return to me .
• I am the official loudest person that I know. Every movement I make is done with a great deal of grunting and groaning. Used to, you drop something, you bend down and pick it up- simple. Not any more. I drop something, I have to stick my foot out to spread my legs wider, I bend down halfway, I grunt a little bit, I actually pick up the item, then I let out a huge grown as I move my body back up to a standing position. Sexy. Somebody once said that rolling over in bed when you're pregnant is like a 17-step process...and it is. It's like, before I role over to lay on my right side, I want to properly weigh the pro's and con's of such a decision because getting there will expend so much energy that it may or may not be worth it. BUT usually by the time I'm half way through my pro's and con's list, I have to go to the bathroom anyways, so then I am forced to move, which forces me to make a huge grunt as I get out of the bed- but upon my return I must choose wisely the position that I choose to assume, otherwise we'll start this whole thing over again.
• I put my clothes on backwards. This I have no reason for. I can explain a lot of things by just saying “hormones” or “because I’m pregnant with a boy.” But this one is just plain weird. I’ve only made it all the way to work with my clothes on inside out once…and I caught it with only three people having seen me. Way to save face.

I'm not sure what other odd pregnany symptoms will hit me by the time this is all done, but very few of these would actually be found in the "What to expect when you're expecting" book. And while I immensely enjoy being pregnant, I also enjoy the fact that it gives me an excuse to do and be all of these crazy things. I am just hoping that about the time that I lose my excuse for being crazy like this that all of these crazy things will stop!

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