Welcome to Life

Baby Gus's pep talk worked...it might have been a few days late, but Baby Gus finally decided to make his appearance into the world and into our lives. October 24, 2010 will forever be remembered by me as the most beautiful day of my entire life. That does not mean that I looked beautiful by any means, but the day changed my life and exceeded every expectation of the moment I would get to lay eyes on my son. It's a crazy thing, really. To get to meet someone that you know is going to change your life. I mean, I remember meeting my husband, but I didn't know that he was going to be my husband at the time, so meeting him, while memorable, was inconsequential at the time.

For all of those who bet against me being able to complete a natural child birth- you LOSE. I know, I know- I lost money on that bet too :). I NEVER really thought I'd be able to do it. My goal was to just make it far enough so that all the people that I'd told I was going to try to do it naturally would not laugh at me for caving too early. God is good though and at every mile marker I set mentally to quit at, I progressed a little further. Plus, I call my husband my epidural because he massaged my back with tennis balls for at least 12 hours without stopping. So after 19 hours of labor, two hard working tennis balls, 2 1/2 hours of pushing, at least 5 repeats of the same Hillsong CD and about 1200 contractions later, a tiny miracle entered the world.

I don't know that my life has ever felt so full. With my mom on one side of me and my husband on the other, I watched a child that God has been creating and perfecting for over nine months make his first appearance into the world. It was exactly what I hoped it would be- even though every moment wasn't everything we had planned. The whole reason I was drawn to a natural experience was so that my husband and I could be an active part of the process. It's one of the most poignant pictures of a marriage- one member going through something so dramatic, but the other one right by their side going through it with them. My husband was 100% present 100% of the time.

And the climax of the whole story: seeing my baby for the first time. Ironically enough, the first thing I saw of him was his little feet- and no, he wasn't breach. My husband handed him to me and I saw his big blue eyes staring up at me. Words can't describe how full my heart felt..and still feels just thinking of it.

I had several thoughts that powered me through the 19 hours that it took to get my little boy here. Early on in my pregnancy, my husband asked me what he would be "allowed" to say in the event that I started to cave and ask for pain medicine. Since he knows me and knows how irrational I can be at times, he knew that he would have to choose his words very carefully- especially at a time when my emotions might be the most volatile. I accomodated by making him a list of 10 to 15 motivating factors that he would be allowed to read to me in the event that I started to lose heart. During the actual labor, I never asked him to read me my list...the only "reason" that I remember contemplating during my labor was the fact that I will probably never get to compete in the "Escape from Alcatraz". I remember picturing a runner and thinking- This is my marathon. Odd choice as I had several far more motivating factors, but apparently effective. I also remember during the peak of each contraction thinking "It's a choice" over and over again in my head.

I hope you'll forgive an entire post of sappiness and fluff, but you're dealing with the hormones of a new and sleep deprived mommy, so humor me. At the end of this chapter of my life, I feel like I met a hero and a miracle. My little boy is the sweetest gift I have ever been given in my life and I can't believe each day that I get to be a mommy to such an amazing little boy. And my hero- I have never been more in love with my husband than at this stage our lives together. Watching my husband become a daddy has been an incredible gift to see. And my life at this moment: full. Absolutely full.